Finding my Voice

The tech person internet blog industrial complex has ruined me.

I have always been someone who is very particular about the work that I publish, which is usually a good thing: I put things out into the world when they are ready. On the other hand, it means that I struggle to release things that are valuable, but don't meet my own unreasonably strict standards of quality.

I've been working on my personal website pretty much every day this summer, since that's what I decided I needed to do in lieu of internships. I was looking around to apply for any first year internships when I realized — based on my scattered portfolio and out-of-date résumé — that I wouldn't be able to get into most of the internships I wanted to. I felt that none of the applications I could submit were a good reflection of my capabilities, and that's a really crushing feeling. While I certainly could have applied to some smaller local stuff, I didn't want to intern somewhere that feels like busywork making little/no money, since I could just be a cashier somewhere instead, for more pay.

Ultimately, I decided that what I really needed was to take a look back at my projects and skills that I've developed over the past few years, and collect them into something presentable and easily hyperlink-able. That's what this website largely represents. I'm not sure if this was the best choice for me career-wise, but what I do know is that it has been a really important creative outlet for me, and I am glad that I took the time to reconnect with my old friends now that I'm out of the "how does college even work?" phase.

But, It's July. And this blog is still empty. And that's a problem.

I think it's really important to hold myself accountable, and the reason that this blog is so empty is because I've been unable to write something good enough that I feel comfortable publishing it. I've made four awesome projects ranging from LLM usage to Android hacking to Raspberry Pi hardware modding, and I haven't written save a few paragraphs about them. It's honestly embarrassing.

I have felt so much pressure to put my best foot forward that I haven't even walked out of the front door yet.

There are so many brilliant, thoroughly researched, well cited posts on the internet, and starting today, I have decided that they will not be in this blog. Well, I will try my best not to research or cite or think too hard (no promises >:] ). I'm making cool stuff. I want people to see it, and I know that there's good content in there, too. Since I had to struggle through a problem, that means someone else won't need to.

So I'm gonna try. Very soon, you should see some more blog posts here. They might not be the best, but they will certainly be interesting and new. And most importantly, they will be.

‐ Sam 💙

That's it! That is my first-ever blog post.

Posted.

Boom.